I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize