so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
