I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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