possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
