That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
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I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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