they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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