They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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