it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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