We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
