Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
