btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
