the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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