He is an equal opportunity slut.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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