when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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