She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
