Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
