I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
