im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I want to fling myself into the sun
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
