Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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