Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
