You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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