grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
