i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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