What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
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Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
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Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.