I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.