After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
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I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know