Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i am craving dick and cupcakes