I've blown a few things in my day
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
