I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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