i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
