I'll bet she douches with gravy.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it's like iHOP with fire
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
