Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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