It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
