Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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