Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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