I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
