I skipped work to stalk him.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
