I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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