What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
