My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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