I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
