Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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