So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I touched a dick in church today
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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