Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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