It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
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Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!