Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite