I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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