I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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