is your mom at the bar?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
