I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
