Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
