have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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