Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Even my vagina gasped.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
