I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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