you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
