My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
