i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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