please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
