Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
