Pants 0. Shit 1.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Less talking, more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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