Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
That was before I lit my hair on fire
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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