lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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