Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
