Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
