now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
