he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
